Sunday, November 6, 2011

Off: 11/6/11

I was on a bullet train, traveling at speeds surpassing 200 miles per hour. Twisting and turning in an infinite number directions at once, but always feeling like it was going upwards.

My entire body was screaming in pain, but it was muted, dull, far away.
I wanted a moment to analyze my surroundings, to think about where I was now, where I was going, and when would that distant pain go away.
Time was no constant, but still a present feeling, pressing against the inside of my mind, telling me it was there, and that I had a limited time to act. But in that time I had as much time as I need, subverting the limit entirely.
I knew that action was required, but I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t move, no matter how hard I tried. That pulsing feeling inside me moved from my mind to my heart, and I knew that I made a mistake.
When did I make that mistake? How? What was the mistake? The questions were as endless as they were pointless. I made a mistake, that is all I needed to know.
The pain subsided a bit, but it was still there, still bothering me. I have no idea what is going on with me, because that pressure of time was still there, less urgent, less important, but still there.
I tried to think about what mistake I made, but the feeling stayed in my heart, and my mind intuitively knew that was wrong.
Everything felt backwards, the opposite of what it should be. My heart was pounding now, which made me realize it hadn’t been beating until now. The sense of time was becoming strained, and I knew that I had to…
What did I know? I asked myself that. Where am I? What circumstances are applying to me? Why am I?…
My train of thought was brought to a shuttered halt. The sense of time inside my head abruptly disappeared, and in its vacuum great pain appeared.
If there was other pain in my body, it was far too shallow in comparison to be noticed.
The bullet train transfered in just as many directions as it was originally traveling, throwing my mind off balance with a burst of speed.
No, my mind told me. It was velocity, there difference was important, my mind told me. I searched my mind for an explanation, trying to remember the difference.
Either I thought about it for a long time, or the bullet train was immediately forced to a stop. The doors opened, as if arriving at a station. All I saw was blinding white light, nothing more, nothing less.
In a normal situation, I could do anything right now. Stay on the train. Not stay on the train. Sit down. Go outside.
No matter the spin, it basically boiled down to two options, stay here where I was or go off too see what else lay out there.
If I made the choice, I didn’t remember it, and my feet, for the first time in eternity, moved my body, and I walked out the doors of train, to an unknown future, not sure if I would wake up.

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