By Sean "Florence" Jones
Personas:
Henry
Jack
Margret
Sara
Tim: Henry's little brother
[Lights come up, Set consists of two doors on opposite ends of the stage ]
Henry:
Alright Tim, do you remember everything I told you?
Tim:
Uh-huh.
Henry:
Then repeat it back to me.
Tim:
You said that you were going in the living room, and I am supposed to lock the door and never open it 'til you slide the script under the door.
Henry:
Good boy.
[Reaches out hand with the key, but Jack stops him]
Jack:
Dude, are you sure this is the best way? I mean we could just-
Henry:
Absolutely this is the best way! It's full proof, nothing could possibly
go wrong.
[Everyone puts their cell phones in a basket, and hands it and the key to Tim. All but Tim enter the through the right door]
Margret [aside to Sara]:
Can we trust these guys, I mean what if they try something?...
Sara [ aside to Margret]:
No problem, I got protection, just in case.
Henry:
Alright! We, as fellow classmates, who have been paired together, and why are we here?
Sara:
We have a project?
Henry:
Due?
Margret:
Tomorrow!
Henry:
Very good! And why is that?
Jack:
Cause the teach assigned it to us?
Henry:
Well, I was thinking more along the lines of "We were incredibly lazy and put it off until the absolutely last moment", but that is technically correct, so... Who has written a one act before?
-Beat-
Henry:
Ok, who has written anything, ever?
-Beat-
Henry:
Fine, whatever, it doesn't matter. Does anyone have any ideas?
Margret:
How about a romance?
All but Margret:
NO!
Sara:
After all, we do have to perform this in front of the class, so lets stay away from anything that would imply anything close to good will amongst each other.
Jack: Downer ain't ya?
Henry: I think that it would be hard to write anything like that, and as for performing in front of the class... We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.
Jack:
How about somthin' actiony?
Margret:
We don't have time to choreograph anything, which also knocks out anything with dancing...
Sara:
I got this, here's the title: The life and times of the gray stone, don't have to worry about blocking for it.
Henry:
No, Kyle's group is doing that, and believe me when I say I fought him tooth and nail for it. Besides, we need something... EPIC! I want to do a fantasy adventure. The story of a handsome hero and his trusted fairy sidekick as they kick the evil overlords-
Jack:
Didn't we just say that action was too much effort?
Margret:
Besides, it's only ten minutes.
Henry:
What?
Margret: The one act, it only has to be ten minutes.
Henry:
Really?
Sara:
Yeah, the teacher told us. Don't you two pay attention.
Jack:
Not really.
[Henry grabs a drink and sits down in between the girls]
Margret:
Hey!
Sara [Digusted] :
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Henry:
Calm down, do you realize how easy it is to write a ten minute play? Any idiot could do it. Besides, all work and no play make Henry a dull boy.
Sara:
First of all, I will pretend that you never uttered that phrase. Second, You will remove yourself from this piece of furniture without causing any sort of residual damage or disturbance or god forbid , casualty. That way it may go through a purging process to remove any taint that you have left behind. And no, I do not care that this is your couch, we very attractive ladies are sitting on it, so hence it is ours. If you refuse to comply, I will be forced to resort to corporeal punishment. And by that I mean electricity; lots and lots of electricity. That electricity will travel into your body and be converted to raw pain signals, sent from your body to your brain, making you believe that you are burning alive even though in reality you are only jittering and shaking as your nerves slowly attempt to reconnect themselves in order to perhaps try to fend me off. Alas, no, because in a poor accident, a large amount of voltage will find itself jammed into where your future children reside. This will make sure that you never trouble a woman the bother of carrying your children , while at the same time create a better world by ridding your stupidity and incompetence from the human gene pool. And years from now, when you are dying alone, not even supported by a hospital, you will look back and say with your last breath, "I am… so sorry…"
Henry:
Well, that was frighteningly specific.
[Henry gets up from the couch.
Margret:
Can we please just focus on thinking of an idea, seriously this time.
Jack:
Yeah man, I just want this to be over with.
Henry:
Fine, lets think.
[Time passes]
[Jack moans (Haku suggested overly sexual)]
Henry:
Jack, be quiet, we need to brainstorm.
-Beat-
Sara:
What time is it?
Margret:
I don't know, do either of you guys have a watch?
Jack and Henry:
No.
Henry:
And there's no clocks in here...
Sara:
I wonder, whose brilliant idea was it to leave our cell phones out there?
Henry:
I didn't want any distractions-
Sara:
You were the first one to take a break!
Jack:
Guys, can we just stop for a bit, my head hurts.
Sara:
What did I just say?
Margret:
Hey now give him a break, this is tiring.
Sara:
Not you too!
Jack:
Ugh, I'm going to the bathroom, anything to escape this bitch of a racket.
[Exeunt Jack]
Sara:
Oh no you did-
[Door slams and locks]
Sara:
-n't
Margret:
Ummm, he kinda just did...
Sara:
I know. Hey, Henry, do you possibly have any thoughts that are on a ever so slightly higher intellectual level as the idea of locking us in this room in the first place?
-Beat-
Henry:
I...
Sara:
Yes? If you're going to start a thought, at least attempt to finish it.
Henry:
I have an idea!
Sara:
Oh happy day!
Margret:
Shush now, before you knock it out of him.
Henry:
We can look up ideas on... [Dun dun dun!] the Internet!
Margret:
Never mind.
Sara:
Thanks for getting our hopes up!
Henry:
No, listen. The main problem with all of this is that we have nothing to jump off of, right? Therefore, once we have an idea, which the Internet has a surplus of, we can finish this assignment in record time!
[During all of this, Tim has pushed a couch to the door to barricade it, as well as putting on headphones to block out noise]
Henry: Hey! [Knocks on door] Hey, listen!
-Beat-
Shit.
Sara:
Whats wrong?
Henry:
He's not responding.
Margret:
Well we don' have the script, so he can't open the door. I'm sure his non-response is just his way of encouraging us.
Henry:
Dammit, we're rats in a cage.
Margret:
A vicious circle.
Sara:
Why did I ever agree to this?
-Beat-
Henry:
Well, -sigh- it looks like we only have one option.
Sara:
Really?
Margret:
What is it?
[Henry runs to the other door]
Henry:
Jack! Jack I need you!
Jack:
Just a moment.
[ sound of pouring liquid]
Ahhh...
[Jack throws open the door, bottle in hand]
I have heard your prayer, and after much reflection on the toilet, I have a solution.
Henry:
What? What is it?
Jack:
In this bottle lies a special liquid, that, when ingested, increases your energy exponentially.
Sara:
Whats the catch?
Jack:
Sadly, your life expectancy might drop a bit, but a couple of months when you're 110 years old is nothing.
Margret: That's crazy.
Henry:
So crazy, it just might-
Sara:
No no, just take the damn medicine already.
Henry:
Alright, bottoms up.
[Drinks medicine]
-Beat-
[Henry runs over to paper and starts working]
Henry:
Oh yes, this goes here, and that goes there. Everything is coming together perfectly!
Sara:
Holy crap, this is really good! Go Henry go!
Margret:
How did you find this miraculous medicine?
Jack:
The sink.
Margret:
The sink?
Jack:
It's water. In a fancy bottle.
Margret:
B-but how is he?...
Jack:
Ever hear of a placebo?
Margret:
A what?
Jack [to himself]:
For crying out loud.
Jack [to Margret]:
You know what, it's magic. I cast a spell on the water to to give whoever drinks it a renewed energy.
Margret:
That's amazing!
Jack:
That it is. Say, do you want to see another spell?
Margret:
Of course!
Jack:
Alright, close your eyes.
Margret:
But If my eyes are closed how will I see it?
Jack:
Just go with it.
[Margret closes eyes, Jack begins chanting]
Do you feel the magic?
Margret:
You bet I do!
Jack:
Alright, when I snap my fingers you will fall madly in love with the first person you see.
[Snaps finger]
Margret:
Jack, is that you?
Jack:
Yes?
Margret [speaks with something like disgust in her voice]
You... You're just.
Jack:
I know...
Margret:
So incredibly sexy.
Jack:
What now?
Margret:
I can't really explain it, but I think I love you, beyond all rhyme or reason I love you with all my soul and being.
[Jack shrugs to the audience]
Jack:
Hey, after this, do you want to go have-
Henry:
Done!
Sara:
Oh merciful heavens he finished!
[Turns to Henry]
That was so amazing-
[Henry cuts her off with a kiss. She slaps him and stabs him with a stun gun]
Henry:
AHHH!
Jack:
What the hell?
Margret:
Sara, what did you do?
Sara:
Just in case... And you!
Jack:
Me?
Sara:
Yes you, why did he do that?
Jack:
First off, I'm not his therapist, I don't know what convoluted things involving a USB cord and a tape measure goes on inside his head. But if I were to hazard a guess, I would say that he had some residual energy left over?
Margret:
Well he appears to have plenty of electrical energy now.
[Henry stumbles to his feet]
Henry:
What just happened?
Sara:
Nothing but a few thousand volts here and there. Oh, and the assignment is done.
Henry:
Seriously? That means we can leave!
Jack:
Suppose so yeah.
[Slides script under door]
Henry:
Tim! Oi, little bro, the scripts done.
[Tim snores]
Sara:
For crying out loud.
Jack:
Now what?
Margret:
Oh oh, use your magic Master!
Henry:
When did Jack become?...
Jack:
Alright! Now let me think.
-Beat-
Jack:
Why don't we just walk around?
Henry:
Walk around?
Sara:
What do you mean?
Jack:
Just follow me.
[They walk around the door]
Sara:
How did you-
Margret:
You're amazing Master!
Jack:
Yeah, just a bit.
Henry:
Hey Jack, lend me hand here.
[The two boys flip the couch, while the girls pick up the script. Then they all walk out, except Tim]
FIN
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